the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
