im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
