i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
