my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
