So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
