Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
