Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i now understand why vodka
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
