I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
