i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
