Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
