i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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