alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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