Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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