The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
