ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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