if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
