then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
