Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
