i love accidental penises.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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