There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
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So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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