Whod you bang
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
