how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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