Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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