I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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