I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
