More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
