Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
