What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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