laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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