found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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