just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
