I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
