I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize