Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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