So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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