No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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