if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
