He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
