i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
