I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
