even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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