Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
