The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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