your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Are we still banned from the library?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
