Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
