Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
