I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
