just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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