I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
