your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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