The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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