were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
