I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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