I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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