M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
