He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
