Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
