I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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