just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
