drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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