Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
