Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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