dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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