ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
