my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
