Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
