Buhtt sex?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
