Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
