3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
