Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
