hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Terrible idea I love it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
