Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize