New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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