I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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