whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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