I want to walk on stilts...naked
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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