You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
